Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Best Laid Plans

This post is another that I'm almost writing as a reminder to myself... but I figure that if it's something that I'm going through, it's something that other people are probably dealing with (or have dealt with), too.
I wrote a few weeks ago about how to deal when you're overwhelmed... which is basically how I've been feeling ever since I wrote that post. Work deadlines, school deadlines, things going on in my personal life - sometimes everything just comes at you all at the same time. And while I've been following my advice as much as I can (basically, just take things one step at a time - don't look too far ahead!), I still have basically felt that I can't quite get out of the hole I'm in. Every time I think that I'm seeing the light at the tunnel, something else comes up that delays things a little bit more, or adds one more thing to my to-do list.

I can be a bit of a control freak, so I don't exactly love it when this happens. While I work really well with deadlines, I work with them so well because I hate leaving things until the very last second. If I have a goal/deadline in mind, I like to be able to check things off at least 24 hours before that, especially if it's work-related. But when things come up last minute, that's not always possible. No amount of list-making at that point is going to let you go back in time and anticipate this happening proactively. Sometimes, you just have to roll with the punches. Stressing out over things not going as expected, and what that will do to your life will just make you more stressed, and it becomes a vicious cycle really quickly.

I think it's especially hard for me because I know how crucial balance is. I'm not someone who can pull an all-nighter anymore - or even survive on 3-4 hours of sleep. That has a serious affect on me physically - being tired just makes every single thing so much harder. And less time sleeping means less time on my feeding tube, which means less calories for me overnight. These are all things I have to be aware of, and careful of. But if I focus on them too much, I go down that rabbit hole of stressing about being stressed - definitely not productive.

So this is just a reminder to me, and to you - things will not always go as planned! It's really important to remember that things will still be ok when that happens, and to not let yourself spiral - because that does not help make things feel like they're more under control at all.

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