Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Avoidance and Trying to be Better

I was going through my Instagram direct messages over the weekend, and saw my reply to Carly, another blogger I follow, about a story she posted about putting things off that you don't want to do, and how it's so much better if you push past that and just do it.

This is something that I'm so guilty of. I have no problem being direct and confrontational in conversations with others, but I am really, really good at avoiding things in my own life that I don't want to deal with, or am afraid of or nervous about.

Freshman year of college was rough for me. I always cringe when I say this, but I didn't really struggle in high school - I had never really learned how to study for something that was challenging to me. Classes at CMU were harder than anything I had ever taken in high school (except, maybe, for my Physics classes taught by a teacher infamous for being almost impossible), and I didn't know how to cope. My grades freshman year were worse than anything I'd ever gotten before, and by the end of my first semester, I was TERRIFIED to look at my grades - I knew they wouldn't be good. So... I didn't look. I ignored everything school-related for as long as I possibly could, and waited to check my grades until a few days before I went back to school. They still weren't good, but it felt so much better not having that weight hanging over my head anymore. (My parents are going to love me sharing this story... it's still one that gets brought up time-to-time!)

I've been trying, since then, to not avoid things that I'm nervous about/scared of. While I'm not afraid to check my grades anymore, that doesn't mean there aren't other things I'd rather avoid. Whether it's an e-mail that will be a lot of work to reply to, or homework that I don't want to start working on, or a phone call I'm not looking forward to making, there are lots of things that I'd like to put off. I have always been a bit of a procrastinator, and when you combine that with something that I'm not looking forward to - I can easily put things off for a long time. But I do know how much better it feels once those things are done - I feel so much lighter and happier.

I'm a big list maker/planner, so I use that to my advantage. I like being able to check things off my list, so I'll write down everything that I need to do - even the stupid, little things - to add some motivation to myself to actually do them. It's still a definitely work in progress, but it's something that I'm working on!

Anyone have any tips that could help me? Let me know in the comments below if you do!

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