Toning it up...and down...and up again...in Vietnam

When entering a new country I try to learn at least a few words of the local language…hello, thank you, good bye, etc. Since I’m spending a few months in Vietnam where the language barrier can literally block you from getting on the right bus, ordering the right food or just generally communicating without jumping up and down and gesticulating frantically, I thought I should pick up more than my usual few words. This proved more difficult than expected.


There are six different tones in Vietnamese that dramatically change the meaning of the same written word. The tones are:

• Level
• Rising
• Falling
• Rising and breaking
• Falling and breaking
• Rising with abrupt stop

 Therefore what seems like a straight forward word…”Ma”…can actually mean six wildly different things:

• Mother
• Ghost
• Which
• Horse
• Tomb
• Rice seedling

Ba can mean:

• Three
• Father
• Grandmother
• Poison
• Trash
• Any

The probability of looking(or sounding) like an idiot is quite high. Rule number one of world travel applies: never be afraid to look stupid. It’s bound to happen. Attempting to speak Vietnamese takes it to a whole new level because not only can it be embarrassing but also offensive. When you have the potential to call a mother a horse, or worse, a grandmother a piece of trash, you’d best be on your toes.


But the most important thing is to try...that's what I tell myself, anyway!  I learned to say “excuse me”, or I thought I did, as “xin loi.” (pronounced sin loy) I’d been using this quite regularly and feeling pretty confident. Until I arrived at a hotel in Hanoi, approached the front desk, said “sin loi” and launched into a question. The guy behind the front desk looked at me quizzically and said, “you say…it’s hot.” (It was about 60 degrees outside, so this was clearly not what I meant) He patiently taught me how to say it correctly…starting low, dipping slightly then rising higher. Imagine if you were a waitress and your customer looked at you and said, “It’s hot! Check please.” Which is basically what I’d been doing for the previous month.


Not only are the different tones a challenge, but many phrases require the utterance of sounds that don’t exist in the English language. Ngan, which means “thousand” requires you to plug the back of your throat with your tongue while trying to make a deep “n” sound. I feel like Jodie Foster in the movie "Nell" every time I say it.


There is one Vietnamese word that gives me no trouble at all. Informally, Vietnamese greet each other by saying their name and then “oi!” Such as….“Heather, Oi!“ This is pronounced “oy” which very much appeals to the Jewish half of my heritage and I can only wonder if I’m saying something meaningful in Vietnamese when I proclaim my typical “oy vey!”


Some of my work at Slo Pony requires the use of basic phrases, such as “be here in 20 minutes,” which is used when I call the van driver who doesn’t speak any English. Onslo told me several times how to say it and I wrote it down phonetically. But every time I called the van driver and said “be here in 20 minutes” he spewed something out in Vietnamese and I ended up handing the phone over to Onslo without a word. This got humiliating after a time and I tired of needing help. But I kept trying and now, not only can I say “be here in 20 minutes” if he says “no, I’ll be there in 30 minutes” I can firmly say “no…be here in 20 minutes." Communicating something even that basic feels like I’ve broken through a major barrier and I’m smiling from ear to ear when I hang up the phone!


So…thus far…my Vietnamese repertoire consists of:


Hello
Good Bye
Thank you
How are you?
Good Morning
What is your name?
My name is…
How much is this?
Where is the bathroom?
One beer please….
One coffee with sweet milk…
Be here in….
Numbers 1 - 100
Plus a few random food items…


I realize this is not a long list, but it took me two weeks of saying “how are you” everyday before anyone actually understood me. Each time I tried I got a blank stare and then a giggle and I was left wondering if I’d said “my goat would like to relieve himself on your lawn” or “how does my butt look in these jeans?” But it seems I’ve broken through that barrier as well and can at least say good morning and how are you when I enter the shop every day.


There’s a Vietnamese Proverb that says:


“If you want to gather a lot of knowledge, act as if you are ignorant.”


Seeing as I actually am quite ignorant when it comes to speaking Vietnamese, I don’t even have to put on an act, so perhaps this will translate into gaining a lot of knowledge! I certainly feel I’ve learned heaps already.